4/9/01 baby baby you sure like to FUCK!

yea, so that st patricksday show never actually happened, seeing as dave decided to drop off the face of the earth until the night before the party... im pretty sure i still got drunk that night though. i think.

will and i have been writing guitar parts using really fucked up tunings... unfortunately, after the dope wears off we only remember about 20% of what we played... thats college for ya. we are now in the process of stealing a drummer from some lame indie-schlock band (not like OUR lame indie-schlock band) and maybe we'll even put something down on tape someday.

and christ, scroll down a bit and sign the motherhumping guestbook, will ya? i need something to stare at when i cant fall asleep till 5 am cause i drank too much pepsi.

3/13/01 hey, to all of you who are asking, YES, i AM this bored, and NO, i DONT have anything better to do. k?

anyway, spring break just ended and i am once again back in boston after a delightfully uneventful week in jersey, spent mostly either pretending i was ric ocaesek or being really, REALLY high on opium. thats right folks, opium, that shit they fought those wars over. a friend of mine was giving the stuff away like it was syphilis, and now, after indulging in, and subsequently swearing off, the sweetest aroma of the far east i understand why.

oh yea, and i saw weezer. pretty lame show, what with the 3,000 emopunk kids(dontcha hate looking at them? the ugly ones, i mean) and pepsi one merchandising booths. i DID somehow run into guitarist brian bell on the streets of NYC, hours before their roseland show. the strung-out freak didnt know where the roseland was! sasha and i gave him five bucks with the instructions to "eat something" and directed him to the nearest methadone clinic. dat bitch skinny!

in a somewhat related note, me, will, dave, and some other kid are apparently playing at a st patricks day party. what songs will we play? will we play ANY songs? what funny band name are we gonna come up with? the answers to these questions, and more, when we return.

3/1/01 hey, where'd all my seratonin go?

dont you hate it when your roommate goes home and you think that you now have complete access to his cd collection only to find that the bastard took all his good albums with him? and he doesnt keep any money in his desk? well, i hate it. and i hate you.

same old frozen shit up here in boston... still rizzocking with dave, and our old friend will (you may or may not remember him from the short-lived ill-fated Way Bianca) has been joining in on goddamn hippie guitar. practices have a tendency to start off as stoned sonic youth-type noise improvs, and then unfailingly deteriorate into pavement and talking heads covers i dont know the words to (zombie, anyone?) (dont you love inside jokes?).

as for the other CC boys, johnny anonymous appears to be scuttling around livingston doing music-related things, you can check up on him here: http://(website withheld by request)

mike is obsessively taping episodes of the X-files to find that one episode where dave grohl comes on for like 4 seconds. mike keeps an exhaustive "dave diary", but no website. sorry.

all dave grohl jokes aside, mike really loves dave grohl.

kids, dont do drugs. go see superdrag; they get wasted so YOU dont have to. too drunk to play an encore! i loved it.

2/7/01 biddy biddy bop, funky funky

check out the pictures page, there are a few recently unearthed images of johnny anonymous pretending to pour glue on my head and me talking on the phone to my grandpa. rock n roll!

anyscrew, ive been playing quite frequently with a drummer named dave (thats 15 cobain points!) and lazily looking for another bassist or guitar player... ive been pretty lazy with writing songs lately as well, although thankfully my furious scribble-sessions during Revolutions in Russia and China class continue to supply me with gems like "one in a million/ a broken civillian" and other such DeLaRochian nonsense.

here's my favorite commie-inspired stanza of the semester:

serve the pre-existing order where to work and what to buy fill the fucking malls with mortar burn a landfill in the sky

wow... a song thats not about my parents?... thank you College of General Studies!

in (even) sadder news, my first and only electric guitar broke. it didnt really break, it just kinda stopped working in the middle of a noodling session... i was real sad for a good 10 minutes, sitting there and thinking about all the great times me and Guitar had together... the first show... cbgbs... that time we got kicked out of sixflags... that shirts and skins basketball game when Guitar beat me 11 to 9... well, if i get some money together(hah) ill get it fixed, but for now ill just be "borrowing" sashas beautiful fender cyclone. whoo-ee.

ive noticed my tendency to end these little updates with a question. why am i so un-creative?

1/22/01 dress you up in my love: buying embarrassing clothes for your significant other

i was going to dedicate this little update to being "anti-trendy" and how, if analyzed from an outside viewpoint, its just as bad as being "trendy", and the whole big lesson was to ignore trends while staying true to yourself... really original, thought-provoking stuff as you can imagine... then i realized that im not 15, and this isnt a pop-punk zine with articles about "the scene" and "selling out"... so here i am, with not much to report except that i printed up some bandwanted flyers and put them up around town. theyre dirty cut&paste b&w anarchist-looking, just like a pop-punk zine done by a 15 year old.. but hopefully they'll catch the right people's attention. -ilya "pointlessly updating things" malinsky

PS i forgot to mention this last week, but i recently ended up next to johnny anonymous in the back of a smoke-filled car (ah, just like old times...) inbetween hits he told me he was planning on pro-recording some of the songs he's written recently. he also proposed a CC reunion ("it would be funny," he said) which i politely declined. holy shit, somewhat relevant CC info! why didnt i remember this sooner?

1/18/01 enter the personal doo-rag

im back at school now, and you know what that means... thats right, pulling scams for money! i bought schoolbooks using my parents pre-paid BU points, and then sold them back to the store for cold hard cash! let me tell you, it felt good. continuing my current obsession with noisy "art-punk" type shit, i bought "hairway to steven" by the butthole surfers and "prayers on fire" by the birthday party. damn inventive motherfuckers! nick cave has one of the coolest low growly voices ever, and the buttholes (as i arrogantly refer to them), continue to consistently weird me out when im high. theres a lot to be said for playing several noisy, sludgy riffs that have nothing to with each other at the same time, while screaming about love, life, and gutting fish. so how do you like the new "techno" background and font? yea, me neither.

1/2001 all hopped up with no place to go: the ilya malinsky story

well here i am, back in jersey for winter break. mike and i have actually been jamming quite a bit (as well as partaking in a few other habits, wink wink) and um... i definitely know johnny anonymous still likes music! thats as much as i can say though. just got home from the nada surf(hi) show, a well attended affair at brownies... attempts to bribe bootleg of new songs from bass player unsucessful... it looks as though since there is absolutely no relevant information to post on this site, it will serve as some kind of personal doo-rag for me (kinda like it always has)... i guess ill mention johnny anonymous' and mike's noisemaking as well, whatever it is. why am i doing this? cause im fucking bored. so anyway, why is acting like an ass so much fun at shows of bands you like? is it the ability to make inside jokes using song lyrics? the name-dropping of band members? seeing adult men act like monkeys? then theres the pure fan-boy exhilaration thing... thats pretty fun. not doing much in boston.. played with a couple of people, but nothing interesting seems to be happening...kind of like having sex with mike! he just wails away, its almost like youre not even there... ok, this is already way too long and self-indulgent. god help you if youre still reading this.

09/6/00 cow candy: why wont they just die?

here we are more than a year after the last cow candy show. the only real difference is mike shaves now! anyway, some of you may be asking, "what the hell are those lazy dope-smoking morons doing?" well,...

johnny anonymous parted ways with the mikebrownexperience and started a band in boston (or at least made a webpage for one). apparently he's moving to NYC to do something or other, not like i would know. i guess thats what guestbooks are for.

mike is back at NYU, having recorded an 8track demo of his own songs, featuring himself on all instruments and vocals (great job mike, thats 20 grohl points!) the newly short-haired mr. mcgoff will be continuing his education in the school of hard rock (with an emo song thrown in for the ladies), and no doubt looking for a band (who isnt?)

after recovering from a bizarre love rhombus and a summer serving coffee to japs, (how else was i supposed to start this paragraph?) im back in boston and scheduling practices between doug being drunk, will being drunk and stoned, and me being drunk, stoned, and tripping on acid. ive decided to take a break from writing songs for A Perfect Circle and Natalie Imbruglia and concentrate on crafting short, melodic but abrasive songs, maybe with bridges even. well, i already have the longest paragraph out of the three, so why not pointlessly extend it some more? there, i think thatll do nicely. -love, ilya "i was motivated in high school" malinsky. 12/12/99 local oaf passes out on street, wakes up in rock band

ex-cow candy drummer and international porn star mike is now playing drums for an NYC band called 976-DAVE. we all wish mike the best of luck in continuing his pathetic dave grohl obsession! you GO, girl!

12/7/99 holy buttplugs, batman!

as special treat for all the old-school cow candy fans (none of whom were present), ilya and johnny anonymous played a one song acoustic set at some gay coffeehouse in harvard. "pink triangle" was well-received by the largely empty room: somebody coughed, i think, and i saw one guy look at his watch. van halen reunion references and rockstar faces were also tossed about.

12/99 unholy alliance!!

johnny anonymous has joined a band called the (band name withheld by request). he will be playing (instrument witheld by request).

11/99 episode II: a new hope...

i have formed a band with my friends dougie z. and willie p. called way bianca. we will have a website up soon, and it will be linked from this site.

10/99 show's over kids, go home.

in the tradition of the beatles, led zeppelin, and nirvana, cow candy has called it quits because of the death of... my potted plant, Herbie.

aaanyway, johnny anonymous is currently working on a new project with several musicians, while mike is also looking for a group of idiots to call his own in the NYC area.

i'll post any updates as they come (as if anyone reads this)